David Foster Wallace rules in 'Pale King'

By Don Oldenburg, Special for USA TODAY

An April release for David Foster Wallace's literary finale The Pale King is only appropriate.

  • David Foster Wallace ended his life at age 46 before ending The Pale King.

    By Giovanni Giovannetti Effigie

    David Foster Wallace ended his life at age 46 before ending The Pale King.

By Giovanni Giovannetti Effigie

David Foster Wallace ended his life at age 46 before ending The Pale King.

The posthumous and unfinished novel's tenuous plot revolves around U.S. tax code enforcement, specifically the Internal Revenue Service's Regional Processing Center in Peoria, Ill., in 1985, a pivotal year when forces within the IRS were battling over instituting an automated computerized tax-return system.

Did someone say "dull"? Wallace does so emphatically, calling it "massively, spectacularly dull" in his first-person Author's Foreword that starts on page 66 ? a humorous, Wallace-at-his-best detour from a plot of detours in which he claims the entire book is true and disclaims the book's standard fiction disclaimer. (If you read no other chapter in this book, read this one.)

But he's referring to the IRS bureaucracy and not so much his novel, which is based supposedly on his real-life experience working a year for the IRS after being suspended from college for ghosting term papers for cash. No, the novel itself delves into that bureaucratic dullness in a remarkable and imaginative way, replete with dead-ends, disappearing characters, disjointed tales, amusing tiny footnotes and exotic punctuation.

But that's David Foster Wallace. And there aren't (m)any like him. Readers witnessed Wallace's over-the-top creativity in his second novel, Infinite Jest, published in 1996, not to mention other short stories and writings, from his extraordinary profile of John McCain to essays on tennis, television and lobsters.

From the first paragraphs, Wallace pushes the bounds of excess with vivid descriptions and humorous observations that run up against off-the-wall thoughts and random inanity, one breezy non sequitur after another, as if streaming uncensored from a 110% hyper brain.

But just as the reader is about to say "What the ? " Wallace drops an unexpected clarity bomb on the chaos, and with a single short sentence everything makes sense.

The Pale King
By David Foster Wallace
Little, Brown, 547 pp., $27.99

So you reread a lot of The Pale King to figure out how Wallace just did that. Or to embrace the beauty of his narrative. Or bask in his off-kilter insights and irony that Wallace effortlessly elevates to an art form.

Early on, Wallace refers to one character as having "a storm in his head "? an apt description of himself. Despite the storm, Wallace's observational prowess finds meaning in everything, segueing from a teenager picking at his face, to a rhythmic spelling of the word "headache," to an IRS pension benefit formula.

In his writerly wheelhouse, Wallace just jams. He writes best the way our minds operate ? flitting from one thing to the next, lighting on a question from the CPA exam to that isometric buttocks-tightening exercise.

He unfortunately ended his own life at age 46 before ending the book. He died in 2008, leaving behind assorted stacks of manuscripts and notes and computer files, already titled The Pale King. Eventually, his Infinite Jest editor, Michael Pietsch, pulled the pieces together. For the reader, it doesn't matter that the novel is unfinished. Read its chapters in random order and you'll still be amazed by the talent. If you read only half of what's there, it would be one of the best reads you've had in a long time.

There are geniuses and there are geniuses. David Foster Wallace was both, and The Pale King is a testament to that. What he could've accomplished beyond this, we'll never know. But as Wallace, one of the most influential literary voices of our times, wrote in what became his last line, "It's the ability to be immersed." So immerse yourself.

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Lindsay Lohan: Robbery Perpetrator ... or VICTIM?


Lindsay Lohan will soon be tried for grand theft. But you know who SHOULD be? Kamofle & Co. They marked that necklace up 300 percent! Highway robbery!

The necklace piece Linds is accused of bogarting from Kamofie & Co. has been appraised at $850. Legally, this could actually be a significant sum.

That price tag does not qualify for felony grand theft, which requires a value of $950 or more. Kamofie was trying to sell the necklace to Lindsay for $2,500.

Court Cleave

Lindsay's lawyer, Shawn Holley, will argue the D.A. should only be allowed to charge her client with a misdemeanor, based on the true value of the necklace.

But even if Holley loses that argument, Kamofie's owner already lost.

After all, everyone knows jewelers mark stuff up, but 300 percent? That's going to be a PR problem. Not to mention her selling the surveillance video.

It's hard to make an ungrateful and unprofessional brat like LiLo look like a victim or a sympathetic figure, but they have. Well, almost.

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The always-stylish "90210" hottie hit the stores in a flowy black dress and animal print scarf, while Angel opted for a for a long brown skirt and baggy green top.

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AnnaLynne will be joined on stage by co-stars Minka Kelly, Conchata Ferrell, Anne Meara and B. Smith.

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According to a report, Miss Middleton was at Westminster Abbey in London, England today along with Prince Harry and her sister Pippa, though William was away on Royal Air Force duties.

With the big day only two weeks away, the Royal Family has released the play-by-play schedule of events.

Per People magazine, this is how it will all go down.

?Between 8:15 a.m. and 9:45 a.m.

The general congregation will arrive at the Great North Door of Westminster Abbey.

From 9:50 a.m.

Governors-General and Prime Ministers of Realm Countries, the Diplomatic Corps and other distinguished guests arrive at the Abbey.

10:10 a.m.

The Bridegroom and Prince Henry of Wales leave Clarence House. They arrive Westminster Abbey at 10:15 a.m.

10:20 a.m.

Members of Foreign Royal Families arrive at Westminster Abbey from Buckingham Palace.

Mrs. Michael (Carole) Middleton and Mr. James Middleton leave the Goring Hotel. They arrive Westminster Abbey at 10:27 a.m.

10:25 a.m.

Members of the Royal Family (except those listed below) leave Buckingham Palace. They arrive Westminster Abbey at 10:30 a.m.

10:35 a.m.

The following Members of the Royal Family leave Buckingham Palace. They arrive Westminster Abbey at 10:40 a.m.:

The Duke of York

Princess Beatrice of York

Princess Eugenie or York

The Earl and Countess of Wessex

The Princess Royal and Vice Admiral Timothy Laurence

10:38 a.m.

The Prince of Wales and The Duchess of Cornwall leave Clarence House. They arrive Westminster Abbey at 10:42 a.m.

10:40 a.m.

The Queen and The Duke of Edinburgh leave Buckingham Palace. They arrive Westminster Abbey at 10:45 a.m.

10:48 a.m.The Bridesmaids and Pages leave the Goring Hotel. They arrive Westminster Abbey at 10:55 a.m.

10:51 a.m.

The Bride, accompanied by Mr. Michael Middleton, leaves the Goring Hotel for Westminster Abbey.

11:00 a.m.

The Marriage Service begins (and will be relayed by audio speakers along the route).

12:15 p.m.

The Carriage Procession of the Bride and Bridegroom with a Captain's Escort of the Household Cavalry, followed by The Queen's Procession with a Sovereign's Escort of the Household Cavalry, leaves Westminster Abbey for Buckingham Palace.

12:30 p.m.

The Bride's Carriage Procession arrives at Buckingham Palace.

12:40 p.m.

Members of the Royal Family and Members of Foreign Royal Families arrive at Buckingham Palace.

From 12:40 p.m.

Other guests for the Reception arrive at Buckingham Palace.

1:25 p.m.

The Queen and the Bride and Bridegroom, together with their Families, appear on the Balcony.

1:30 p.m.

Fly Past by the Royal Air Force and Battle of Britain Memorial Flight.

Then the Queen's reception begins!?

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Peter Andre's had a colourful love life

Peter Andre has revealed he's been with married women in the past.

The singer - who recently split from model Elen Rivas - admits he used to be a 'bad boy'.

'To this day I don't know how many girls I've slept with,' explains Peter, 38. 

'I've been with married women, single women, older women. I just couldn't get enough of women.'

But Peter is now a changed man and has learnt from his mistakes.

'If there's one piece of advice I could give it's stay away from married people,' he explains.

'You don't know the damage you do.'

Pete was previously married to glamour girl Katie Price, 32, but the pair divorced in September 2009 - 4 years after their wedding.

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Jerry Seinfeld Calls the Royal Wedding 'A Circus Act'

It looks like Jerry Seinfeld is not a fan of the upcoming Royal Wedding. The actor had a few choice words for the upcoming event and even criticized the Royal Family in an interview.

The Daily Mail is reporting that Seinfeld was in London promoting his upcoming stand-up performance and was being interviewed on the UK TV show 'Daybreak' when the interviewer asked Seinfeld if he, like many Americans, was looking forward to the Royal Wedding on April 29.

The comedian sarcastically replied, "Yes, I'm very excited."

He continued, "Well it's a circus act, it's an absurd act. You know, it's a dress-up. It's a classic English thing of let's play dress-up. Let's pretend that these are special people. OK, we'll all pretend that -- that's what theater is."


Seinfeld went on to say, "That's why the British have the greatest theater in the world. They love to dress up and they love to play pretend."

The 56-year-old comedian even took some shots at the Royal Family, "And that's what the Royal Family is -- it's a huge game of pretend. These aren't special people -- its fake outfits, fake phoney hats and gowns."

He concluded by saying, "It's fantastic. We don't have anything like that."

The co-host of 'Daybreak' Adrian Chiles appeared very offended by Seinfeld's opinion and remarked on-air, "I'll join in on any of that stuff [criticism of the wedding], if it's a Brit doing it. But I can't bear Americans criticizing the Royal family."

Chiles also added, "He'll be doing that show from the Tower of London, never mind the O2 [the arena where Seinfeld is due to perform]."

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Jerry Seinfeld Calls the Royal Wedding 'A Circus Act'

It looks like Jerry Seinfeld is not a fan of the upcoming Royal Wedding. The actor had a few choice words for the upcoming event and even criticized the Royal Family in an interview.

The Daily Mail is reporting that Seinfeld was in London promoting his upcoming stand-up performance and was being interviewed on the UK TV show 'Daybreak' when the interviewer asked Seinfeld if he, like many Americans, was looking forward to the Royal Wedding, due on April 29.

The comedian sarcastically replied, "Yes, I'm very excited."

He continued, "Well it's a circus act, it's an absurd act. You know, it's a dress-up. It's a classic English thing of let's play dress-up. Let's pretend that these are special people. OK, we'll all pretend that ? that's what theater is."


Seinfeld went on to say, "That's why the British have the greatest theater in the world. They love to dress up and they love to play pretend."

The 56-year-old comedian even took some shots at the Royal Family, "And that's what the Royal Family is ? it's a huge game of pretend. These aren't special people - its fake outfits, fake phoney hats and gowns."

He concluded by saying, "It's fantastic. We don't have anything like that."

The co-host of 'Daybreak' Adrian Chiles appeared very offended by Seinfeld's opinion and remarked on-air, "I'll join in on any of that stuff [criticism of the wedding], if it's a Brit doing it. But I can't bear Americans criticizing the Royal family."

Chiles also added, "He'll be doing that show from the Tower of London, never mind the O2 [the arena where Seinfeld is due to perform].

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