Sheen's 'Violent Torpedo of Truth' is not #WINNING

Charlie Sheen is introduced to his Detroit audience by his two goddesses to kick off his 'Torpedo of Truth' tour.

Osorio/AP

Charlie Sheen is introduced to his Detroit audience by his two goddesses to kick off his 'Torpedo of Truth' tour.

Deafening boos rained down on Charlie Sheen Saturday night as the self-destructing star's national tour opened with a thud in Detroit.

The 5,100 fans packed into the Fox Theatre quickly turned on Sheen as he reeled off a series of barely comprehensible one-liners.

"I already got your money, dude," the former "Two and a Half Men" star shouted at one point amid a chorus of jeers.

It got so bad fans started chanting "refund!" as they walked out in droves.

"He's making a fool of himself," Toronto-based Sheen fan Chris Acchione told Entertainment Weekly. "Is there a bigger loser in the world?"

Linda Fugate, 47, stormed away from the theater yelling, "I want my money back!"

"I was hoping for something. I didn't think it would be this bad," fumed Fugate, who said she paid $150 for two seats.

The show was as disjointed as Sheen himself.

The crowd was shown a mock iPhone ad advertising the "MaSheen" and a series of unrelated movie clips, from "Animal House" to "Platoon."

There was no performance by Snoop Dogg, as had been promised.

Instead, Sheen ranted and ranted and ranted.

"I am finally here to identify and train the Vatican assassin locked inside each and every one of you," he shrieked.

Standing behind a podium that read, "Warlock States of Sheen," Sheen ripped into his rapidly expanding cast of enemies. "They took my awesome children," roared Sheen, who was joined onstage by his two "goddesses."

"They took my sometimes bitchin' job. ... And when they thought there was nothing left, they tried to take my titanium heart and brain and spine. But they could not."

Minutes later, Sheen sounded defeated.

"Is anybody else as confused by this s--- as I am?" he asked.

The show got off to a rocky start - and never recovered.

The crowd - a bizarre mix of overgrown frat boys and young girls, some dressed in tiger-print spandex - booed the opening comic so harshly Sheen rushed onto the stage to rescue him.

The sight of Sheen sent the crowd into a frenzy, but Sheen quickly went back offstage for several minutes, testing the crowd's patience.

A pair of sexy female singers took to the stage to sing the national anthem. Minutes later, they started making out - and Sheen burst onto the stage, drawing deafening cheers.

They didn't last.

Detroit is the first stop of Sheen's 20-city, 23-date tour titled, "Charlie Sheen: Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option." He comes to New York this Friday.

Some 1,200 tickets were still available on Stubhub.com Saturday for the Friday show - and more than 1,600 were being offered for the Sunday performance.

Before the theater doors swung open Saturday night, several fans waiting outside equated Sheen's meltdown to watching a car wreck.

"It's kind of like a NASCAR race. You're just tuning in because you're just waiting for the accident to happen," Ronnie Prentice, 37, told The Associated Press.

It happened.

rschapiro@nydailynews.com

Christina DaRe Rozonda Thomas Audrina Patridge Autumn Reeser Jamie Gunns

Kardashian Ladies Pretty Up the 2011 Kids' Choice Awards

Making for a fun-filled weekend family affair, the Kardashian/Jenner ladies were in attendance for Nickelodeon's 24th Annual Kids' Choice Awards in Los Angeles, California on Saturday evening (April 2).

With Kim Kardashian leading the charge, the E! reality beauty was joined by Kourtney Kardashian, Kylie Jenner and Kendall Jenner at the USC Galen Center venue while working the orange carpet prior to show kickoff.

Tweeting to her millions of followers just ahead of the event, Kim hurriedly wrote, "Rushing to the Kids Choice Awards w my sisters @KourtneyKardash @KendallJenner @KylieJenner! Almost there! This should be fun!"

As for the show, the Kids' Choice Awards are being hosted by Jack Black while airing live on Nickelodeon beginning at 8PM ET.

Emmy Rossum Bianca Kajlich Mia Kirshner Leila Arcieri Shannyn Sossamon

Miranda Cogrove Cutens Up the Kids' Choice Awards

Dolling up what was a star-studded orange carpet, Miranda Cosgrove was all smiles at Nickelodeon's 24th Annual Kids' Choice Awards in Los Angeles, California on Saturday (April 2).

The "iCarly" cutie looked pretty in pink as she sashayed through the Galen Center arrivals area while gearing up for a promising evening in the spotlight.

Among the award hopefuls this year, Miss Cosgrove's hit show "iCarly" is up for Favorite TV Show while she's also in the running for Favorite TV Actress honors.

The Kids' Choice Awards are being hosted by Jack Black while airing live on Nickelodeon beginning at 8PM ET.

Nikki Reed Brittany Murphy Minka Kelly Emmanuelle Chriqui Kristanna Loken

Report recommends nixing red-light cameras

With the contract for the city's much-criticized red-light cameras coming up for renewal this month, a stinging report that recommends scrapping them could hurt LAPD efforts to continue the program.

The report's main conclusion is that if the costly system were shut down, all traffic engineers would have to do to improve traffic safety is extend the length of yellow signal lights at intersections.

"There is a very good chance someone is going to be forced to run the red light because the yellow timing is too short," said Jay Beeber, a Sherman Oaks resident who wrote the report, "Safer Streets in Los Angeles."

Based on research by state and federal transportation authorities, Beeber's study concludes proper engineering can reduce violations and collisions by at least 50 percent.

"It's the difference between the way it's timed and the actual speed of traffic," said Beeber, who founded Safer Streets L.A., a motorist safety advocacy group. "You have an area where it's almost ensured that you'll do the wrong thing."

After a city audit questioned the red light cameras' effectiveness, the Police Commission and the Los Angeles Police Department upheld the program in December, reporting that it had led to a 63 percent decline in red-light related accidents.

But Police Commissioner Richard Drooyan said Tuesday that Beeber's report needs to be taken very seriously.

"(Beeber) makes a lot of points in there that I think

are worthy of a response from the department," Drooyan said. "It is a serious report."

The comment could signal the commission's change of stance on the issue.

Also, Beeber argued the decline in accidents had more to do with yellow signals being lengthened at a number of the intersections being studied than the camera program, which has operated at a $2.5 million loss over the past two years.

The timing of the yellow lights is usually dictated by the posted speed limit on the street. But drivers are usually traveling at least 10 to 15 miles above the limit at problem intersections, Beeber said.

Yellow lights that were extended by one second more than the minimum time decreased red-light violations by 53 percent and crashes by 40 percent, according to a 2004 Texas Department of Transportation study. A 2002 study in San Diego found a 30 to 55 percent reduction in violations when yellow lights were lengthened.

The report also calls for the implementation of a two to three second "all red" phase, where lights in all directions stay red to allow cars to clear the intersection.

Calling the current program "counterproductive to the goal of safer streets," Beeber said the LAPD should stop it and instead study appropriate engineering countermeasures.

City officials questioned the program's effectiveness after a September audit found that the 32 cameras were divided among the 15 council districts instead of being placed at the most dangerous intersections.

And both police and city officials have criticized the fines, calling the nearly $500 tickets excessive while citing a lack of consequence for those who don't pay them.

The camera program is supposed to fund itself, and even generate revenue for the city, by fining motorists for violations spotted on cameras.

But about 56,000 citations remain unresolved since the program went into effect in April 2006, totaling about $7 million to $11 million in money uncollected by the court system, according to police officials.

The five-year contract for the cameras expires at the end of the month. LAPD is reviewing proposals from vendors for possible expansion of the program and has said it will distribute cameras between the four police bureaus, but could run into resistance from the city council.

"I just think there's too many flaws in this current system to maintain or even expand the system," said Councilman Dennis Zine, who sits on the city's Public Safety Committee. "If you get the ticket and you don't pay, you're just going to run through it again. All you do is mock the law.

"Extending that amber light, extending that red light, has some impact," Zine said. "But the bottom line is, people need to stop at red lights."

For more information, visit www.saferstreetsla.org.

Vanessa Hudgens Tyra Banks Roselyn Sanchez Jennifer Scholle Cat Power

THG Caption Contest: Chris Brown Ballin'


Welcome, gossip fans, to another edition of THG's Caption Contest!

From his Good Morning America meltdown to his controversial visit to Dancing With the Stars, Chris Brown sure has been in the news a lot lately.

Here, he's blowing off some steam in a more constructive manner. What was the star thinking/saying on the basketball court? You tell us!

All you do is click "Comments" below and submit your best caption(s)! Go to it! We'll announce a winner Monday. Best of luck to everyone ...

Chris Brown BALLING

Leila Arcieri Shannyn Sossamon Julie Benz Talisa Soto Estella Warren

Report recommends nixing red-light cameras

With the contract for the city's much-criticized red-light cameras coming up for renewal this month, a stinging report that recommends scrapping them could hurt LAPD efforts to continue the program.

The report's main conclusion is that if the costly system were shut down, all traffic engineers would have to do to improve traffic safety is extend the length of yellow signal lights at intersections.

"There is a very good chance someone is going to be forced to run the red light because the yellow timing is too short," said Jay Beeber, a Sherman Oaks resident who wrote the report, "Safer Streets in Los Angeles."

Based on research by state and federal transportation authorities, Beeber's study concludes proper engineering can reduce violations and collisions by at least 50 percent.

"It's the difference between the way it's timed and the actual speed of traffic," said Beeber, who founded Safer Streets L.A., a motorist safety advocacy group. "You have an area where it's almost ensured that you'll do the wrong thing."

After a city audit questioned the red light cameras' effectiveness, the Police Commission and the Los Angeles Police Department upheld the program in December, reporting that it had led to a 63 percent decline in red-light related accidents.

But Police Commissioner Richard Drooyan said Tuesday that Beeber's report needs to be taken very seriously.

"(Beeber) makes a lot of points in there that I think

are worthy of a response from the department," Drooyan said. "It is a serious report."

The comment could signal the commission's change of stance on the issue.

Also, Beeber argued the decline in accidents had more to do with yellow signals being lengthened at a number of the intersections being studied than the camera program, which has operated at a $2.5 million loss over the past two years.

The timing of the yellow lights is usually dictated by the posted speed limit on the street. But drivers are usually traveling at least 10 to 15 miles above the limit at problem intersections, Beeber said.

Yellow lights that were extended by one second more than the minimum time decreased red-light violations by 53 percent and crashes by 40 percent, according to a 2004 Texas Department of Transportation study. A 2002 study in San Diego found a 30 to 55 percent reduction in violations when yellow lights were lengthened.

The report also calls for the implementation of a two to three second "all red" phase, where lights in all directions stay red to allow cars to clear the intersection.

Calling the current program "counterproductive to the goal of safer streets," Beeber said the LAPD should stop it and instead study appropriate engineering countermeasures.

City officials questioned the program's effectiveness after a September audit found that the 32 cameras were divided among the 15 council districts instead of being placed at the most dangerous intersections.

And both police and city officials have criticized the fines, calling the nearly $500 tickets excessive while citing a lack of consequence for those who don't pay them.

The camera program is supposed to fund itself, and even generate revenue for the city, by fining motorists for violations spotted on cameras.

But about 56,000 citations remain unresolved since the program went into effect in April 2006, totaling about $7 million to $11 million in money uncollected by the court system, according to police officials.

The five-year contract for the cameras expires at the end of the month. LAPD is reviewing proposals from vendors for possible expansion of the program and has said it will distribute cameras between the four police bureaus, but could run into resistance from the city council.

"I just think there's too many flaws in this current system to maintain or even expand the system," said Councilman Dennis Zine, who sits on the city's Public Safety Committee. "If you get the ticket and you don't pay, you're just going to run through it again. All you do is mock the law.

"Extending that amber light, extending that red light, has some impact," Zine said. "But the bottom line is, people need to stop at red lights."

For more information, visit www.saferstreetsla.org.

Maggie Gyllenhaal Aki Ross Kim Yoon jin Lena Headey Liz Phair

Charlie Sheen/Brooke Mueller Custody Agreement


Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller finally formalized the custody agreement for their twin sons, Bob and Max -- and TMZ has all the hits, runs, and errors.

0301_brooke_charlie_EX

Sources tell TMZ the agreement includes the following:

-- For the first 2 months ... Charlie gets the twins every other weekend, from Saturday AM until Sunday PM.

-- The next 2 months Charlie gets the twins every other weekend ... Saturday AM until Monday AM.

-- The next phase ... as long as Charlie and Brooke remain drug and alcohol free -- Charlie gets the twins every other weekend ... from Saturday morning until Monday morning ... AND Wednesday AM until Thursday AM.

-- Both parents must submit to random drug testing 3 times a month.

-- Both parents must have their regular nannies with them at ALL times when they have the kids.

As for Charlie's goddesses -- they can't show public displays of affection toward the twins.

Charlie and  Brooke can't be photographed around the kids with a romantic counterpart.

BTW, contrary to some reports, neither Charlie nor Brooke had to submit to psychological evaluation.

Tags: Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen, Celebrity Justice


Amber Valletta Ashley Scott Kim Kardashian Grace Park Joss Stone

Ryan Reynolds Would 'Love' to Work with Sandra Bullock Again

Ryan Reynolds Would 'Love' to Work with Sandra Bullock Again

Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock

O'Neill-White/INF; Peter Brooker/REX USA

Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock are close both on and off screen ? and there's a chance they'd pair up again for a film.

"I would love to do another movie with her," Reynolds told Access Hollywood. "I would be a fool to say no to that! If we can work it out, I will definitely ? I will be there and I'll be on my best behavior."

The pair worked together on the 2009 hit romantic comedy The Proposal and while nothing is confirmed yet, Reynolds is developing a project with Bullock in mind.

But Bullock isn't the only woman who Reynolds is eager to work with again. The actor hopes his other Proposal costar, Betty White, will join in the fun.

"Betty White will be there, but she will not be on her best behavior," Reynolds joked. "I mean, my God ? there's a risqué, risqué little lady!"

If Reynolds gets his wish, he will most likely be seeing more of Bullock's 1-year-old son Louis, who he's met but hasn't "squeezed" yet.

"He's not an action figure ? that's a delicate child right there," Reynolds said. "You know you've got to be careful with those." Vignette StoryServer 6.0 Sat Apr 02 16:26:11 2011

'); var targetVideoWidth = 466; brightcove.createExperiences(); /* iPhone, iPad, iPod */ if ((navigator.userAgent.match('iPhone')) || (navigator.userAgent.match('iPad')) || (navigator.userAgent.match('iPod')) || (location.search.indexOf('ipad=true') > -1)) { document.write('

Mia Kirshner Leila Arcieri Shannyn Sossamon Julie Benz Talisa Soto